


The Love of My Life, Whom I Also Hate

by Pakacoryi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst free fun, Artist Keith (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), M/M, Maybe a tiny bit of angst, POV First Person, POV Keith (Voltron), Slow Burn, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), alcohol use and underage drinking, but not a lot, otp prompt inspired
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-06 20:24:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17352008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pakacoryi/pseuds/Pakacoryi
Summary: I'm going to tell you about the love of my life.The love of my life, whom I also hate.Keith telling the story of how he and Lance met and eventually realized they loved each other.Cute, fluffy, and full of fun stories about changing relationships and growing up and video games and fighting about music tastes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing this because I need a break from the extreme angst of my other fic. This is just fun and lighthearted.
> 
> Feel free (I do this a lot) whenever I talk about a band or music in this fic, if you don't agree with the character having that taste in music, just fill it in with something else. It's more enjoyable when you can relate. The only one that will be difficult to swap out is Lorde, cause I made Lance obsessed with her and some of her lyrics play a part.

Chapter 1

 

If you feel like listening, I'm gonna tell you a story. I'm not really big on telling stories, so if you're interested I suggest you listen. Cause I'm most likely never saying any of this again.

So this story is pretty cliche. It's about falling in love and best friends and growing up and all that shit. It doesn't really have a point - at least not one that I've realized yet - I just think I need to tell someone. Cause it's literally driving me insane, I can't figure out how it happened.

I'm going to tell you about the love of my life.

The love of my life, and how I fell completely, madly, blindly, every-adjective-there-is-to-describe-being-desperately-in-love love with him.

The love of my life.

The love of my life, whom I also hate.

 

So I guess my story, if you wanna skip all the boring background shit, would probably start July 28, 2014. Around 9 p.m.

I was following a friend of mine into a party. His name is Matt, by the way. So Matt and I were walking up the stone path to a large suburban home.

Now before you get the wrong idea, let's get one thing straight - I did not by any stretch of the imagination, show up at this party willingly. It's not that I didn't like parties. It's that I didn't - and still don't - like parties like the one we were headed towards. I could hear poppy radio music before we even reached the door, for one.

And two - this party was for some guy's eighteenth birthday. Who this guy was, I had no idea. Did Matt know this guy? I didn't even know - well turns out he did but I'll get to that later - he was friends with Matt's younger sister. And Matt had a thing for this guy's older sister and was trying to get with her or something - like showing up at her little brother's birthday party was somehow gonna play out in his favor - I don't know.

But yeah, there I was, at a party I had been dragged to by the only friend I'd kept in touch with since graduating high school last year.

We went in the front door and I was instantly bombarded with the awful scent of probably every kind of Axe spray available mixed with whatever flowery, cloyingly sweet shit the girls wore that they, for some reason, thought made them smell better.

While the stench of high school house party offended my nose, my ears were assaulted by whatever it was these people called music. It sounded like, I can't even describe it, like nursery rhymes for adults or some shit.

The lights inside were low, the place was filled with an impressive number of people, all of whom were dressed much more brightly than I was. As if I didn't feel out of place enough as it was.

We weaved our way into and through the living room and into the kitchen - and drinks. I watched as Matt filled a red plastic cup with equal parts Red Bull and cheap ass vodka. I couldn't help but cringe to myself as I watched him take a long sip.

"Right," he said through an exhale as he finally lowered his cup. "Pidge said they're havin' a 50-turn Mario Party fight to the death somewhere around here. Grab a drink and we - hold up-" he frowned and pulled his phone out of his pocket. "Shit, I gotta get this," he looked back up at me, "you're good? I'll be back." Before I could respond he was hurrying out of the room and disappeared.

So. That left me... alone.

If you did't know this already, I'm not the 'I love meeting new people' type - y'know, not really a social butterfly, if you will.

I grabbed a can of beer, wiped the top off with the hem of my shirt, and cracked it open. Not knowing what else to do, I took a nervous sip.

Oh, did I forget to mention? I knew no one at this party. No one. Well I knew Matt. And I had met his little sister once. Her name was Katie.

But besides that, no one. I was friends with Matt in high school, but right after we graduated, his family moved. So Katie was sent to a new school, where I assume she became friends with the birthday guy throwing this party.

Now back to me. In the kitchen. 

I took a few more uncomfortable sips of my drink. Said a couple awkward 'excuse me's to people who had to reach around me for drinks of their own. I inched sideways until my back was against the refrigerator - out of everyone's way.

I had resolved to staring down into the black hole that was the opening of my beer can, deciding whether or not I should go find Matt. Just when the black hole was getting good I heard a-

"Hey." I looked up, slightly startled, to see a guy standing in front of me. His hair was short but messy in that 'intentional' way; his eyes were staring into mine, unfaltering, they looked like they were smiling but the rest of his face was blank.

"Uuuh, hi..." I moved my eyes to focus on the room behind him. That much eye contact from a complete stranger made me uncomfortable.

"You, uh, come here often?" He lowered his voice, placed a hand beside my head and leaned his weight against it. He was wearing a crooked grin, one eyebrow raised. Before I could react, though, he broke into laughter and removed his hand. "Dude, I'm just messin' with you. You should've seen your face."

"Oh, ha ha, yeah..." Like I said - not a social butterfly.

"Pretty chill party, huh?" I assumed he was still joking around.

"Oh, yeah, if you're into this shit." My eyes scanned the room. The kitchen opened to the living room; I could see groups of people talking, some dancing.

"Ha, this shit. I know, right?" In my moment of complete social awkwardness. I could not. For the fucking life of me. Think of an excuse to leave.

So. Word vomit commence-

"Man, really. Like this alcohol." I gestured to the vodka and beer. "Whose older brother ripped them off and bought them this?"

"Oh yeah, I know. I feel like that stuff's below bottom shelf," he laughed. "At least you're chillin' with your friends though, right?"

"Not even. I don't know these people and I'm not sure I want to." What possessed me to keep talking, I will never know. "Like, look at them. Who are they trying to fool?"

"What do you mean?" There was genuine curiosity in his voice and he shifted to try and follow my gaze.

"Well, like that girl." I pointed to a tall girl with glasses and short hair. She was wearing a button up shirt that was too big for her and leggings with a strange floral pattern. "Like she looks like she thinks she's smart but is begging someone to underestimate her, just so she can get mad.

"And that guy-" someone chugging a red cup surrounded by a group of people cheering him on, "what is that? Are people impressed by that?"

Let's get one thing straight - I was in a terrible mood, panicking at having a forced conversation - I am not usually rude for no reason. But chugging a red cup, I'm not going back on that one - come on dude, find a keg at least.

"And that girl-" I just couldn't stop. "What is she?" She had long white hair and was wearing some sort of lacy white dress. "Did she take that look out of a retirement home pamphlet?" The guy laughed and I heard a new song start. "Oh my god, and this music! It makes me want to stab my ears!"

"What, you don't like Lorde?" I just laughed cause obviously he was joking, right? We were bonding over how awful this party was.

"And seriously, this is some guy's birthday party, and he set it up - who throws their own party?"

"Keith!" Matt had finally reappeared to rescue me. "Oh, hey," he said when he noticed the other guy. "Cool, you met Lance. Hey - awesome party, man. Happy birthday."

...happy birthday???

...

Happy birthday!?!

What.

The.

FUCK!

"Aw, thanks, Matt." Lance smiled and then looked back at me. My face was getting hotter by the second. "I was just getting the cake out of the fridge but, uh, Keith, was it? He's uh, quite the talker."

"I, um..."

"You're, um, in the way." There was still a strange smile on his face, but I could barely look at him.

"Oh, sorry, sorry." I stumbled sideways.

"Let me guess, you're too cool to eat cake, right?" Oh my god. I wished a hole would open up at my feet and swallow me. I can't remember ever being so mortified.

Oh, but wait. It gets worse.

"And that girl over there," he nodded over his shoulder as he pulled a cake out of the refrigerator, "with the glasses. That's Veronica, my sister." He leaned his shoulder against the fridge door to close it. "And the one dressed like an old lady - that's my girlfriend."

"Dude-"

"But," he continued, "I must say. That guy chugging his drink is a total douche - I didn't invite him. I also don't recall inviting you - judgmental emo asshole that I've never met before."

Jesus fucking christ.

"I'm sorry, I-" he clapped his hand on my shoulder.

"Of course, you're welcome to stay; insult the rest of my friends, drink my not-expensive-enough-for-you beer. But if I hear you say one more thing about Lorde - I will fucking stab your ears for you." Then he walked away.

I was so absorbed in my humiliation I forgot Matt was there. I felt like I could puke.

"Soooo, what was that about?" Matt asked tentatively, his forehead pinched in confusion.

"I don't wanna talk about it. I'm gonna go." Before I could hear any of Matt's protests, I pushed past him and made my way to the front door, trying not to look at anyone.

The outside air hit me like a splash of water to my face. Sure, it was thick and hot and humid even at 10:30 at night, but the atmosphere inside was ten times thicker with the aura of my historical sized fuck up.

And then I walked down the stone path and down the street.

And I walked.

And walked.

And walked.

Until I finally crawled into my bed at 3 am.

I'm pretty sure my face was still red by the time I fell asleep.

 

Alright. So that's the awesome fun-to-remember little story of how we met.

Not the whole big story, just the beginning. Obviously we weren't head-over-heels for each other at that point. I'm pretty sure Lance hated me, and I was not too fond of him either.

So now, how did we get from there to here?

Honestly, I don't even really know but that's what I'm here to tell you so just, bare with me.

Here goes...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing this pretty quickly since it's just a fun relaxing thing for me, so I apologize for any typos or inconsistencies I don't catch.  
> Also I'm really excited to get further into the story. My goal is to keep the chapters kinda short though

Chapter 2

 

I'm gonna skip ahead a little bit. Just a couple months. The end of summer - September, I guess.

This is how I unknowingly fell into Lance's 'friend group' I guess you can say.

Now you probably need some of that boring backstory I'd avoided earlier. Just the basics.

I was born in Arizona - middle of nowhere desert Arizona - not the cool hipster part. My mom left my dad and me when I was a baby.

I loved my dad, he was amazing and did the best he could. But he died. When I was ten.

Somehow - really I can't figure out how or why - I was sent to live with my mom's sister and her family in a nowhere small town in southern Pennsylvania. I can't figure out why they chose to keep me. I had never met them before, they had two daughters already, they were pretty poor, not the nicest people at all, and they didn't even know I existed until my social worker contacted them.

Apparently my mom had listed them in some paperwork, I don't know. My aunt, Kyra, her husband, Jeff and their two daughters, Asia and Acxa. My cousins were one and two years younger than me.

Ugh, none of this is important, I'm getting off track.

Long story short, I hated living with them. I got along with Acxa but other than her I tried to keep out of the way.

So, naturally, I was trying to move out of that house. I'd worked since I could find a job that hired minors. I'd saved enough money to buy myself a piece of shit car.

All I needed was A) a cheap-ass apartment or B) a roommate. The problem was A) even cheap-ass apartments are expensive and B) socially awkward.

Then in August I was fired from my retail job... I guess that's a C.

So! Matt was nice enough to hook me up with a part-time job where he worked. He was returning to MIT in the fall, so they'd be short-staffed.

The job turned out to be washing dishes...

Not really a living wage kind of job but it payed more than no job.

And finally I bring you to how Lance and I crossed paths again. This restaurant - where I was washing dishes - belonged to the Garret family. Their son, Hunk, worked the line and some odd jobs to help out.

Hunk was a pretty cool guy, him and I hit it off and became fast friends. He was very genuine, and I admired that greatly. What I didn't know about Hunk - I'm not sure how it never came up - was that his best friend since childhood was none other than Lance McClain.

So when Hunk invited me to chill and play video games with him and his friends, of course I said yes. He even offered to give me a ride.

All of this led to me staring, completely dumbfounded, at a very familiar house one evening in September.

It had to be some sick joke. Did Hunk not realize? Was this a prank?

"Um... Are you sure your friends are cool with me hanging out?" My weak attempt at bailing. I didn't know what to do.

"Yeah, dude, they'll love you," Hunk said brightly as he started towards the house.

I'm not sure what drove me to go along with the situation. Maybe just a curiosity at how it would all play out.

We walked right in, Hunk leading the way. This time it smelled like pizza and cinnamon. I followed, through the living room, into the kitchen where a ghost of my humiliation came back to haunt me. I felt my cheeks burn at the memory. 

There was a pizza box half open on the counter and Hunk stopped to grab a piece.

"Help yourself." He nodded towards the box as he took a large bite out of his slice.

"I'm good." I was not about to waltz right in uninvited, and unwelcome I'm sure, eating Lance's food.

Hunk shrugged and opened a door in the corner of the room. We were met with the sounds of Mariokart and competitive expletives before we'd even stepped through.

I walked slowly, one step at a time, palms sweating, pleading with the redness on my face to just goddamn go away.

"Hey, guys." Hunk waved and took another bite of his pizza. No one took their eyes off the screen.

The room at the bottom of the stairs was kind of what you'd expect. There was a couch in the center, an armchair on either side. A coffee table littered with Red Bull cans and pizza crusts. And a larger than necessary TV which at that moment showed three players fighting through the final lap of Rainbow Road.

I recognized the three people playing, which was kind of upsetting. Lance and his white-haired girlfriend were on the couch. And on the floor, too close to the screen with her back resting against the coffee table was Matt's little sister, Katie.

"Huuuunk!" She called out but didn't turn her head.

"Ugh, I give up," Lance's girlfriend said in disgust as she tossed her controller onto the table and fell back into the couch. I noticed one of the players was a whole lap behind and currently being carried back onto the track.

"Good! We don't need your sub-par skills fuckin' our shit up anymore," Lance spoke, frowning in concentration. His girlfriend let out a clucking sound at his insult. "Hunk brought a friend-" he tried to spare a quick glance and our eyes met. I saw the recognition flash through him. "Woah! Wait, no-" He paused the game, eliciting cries of protest from Katie. "Nope. No no. No. Hunk, you brought him?" Lance sat forward, his accusatory tone caught Hunk off guard. His girlfriend looked as though her interest had been piqued. Katie was still grumbling about the unfair pausing of the game.

"You guys know each other?" Hunk asked, looking between Lance and me. My face was full on burning again.

"Yeah, dude, he's that guy from my party that I told you about."

"Wha- oh. Oh!" I could see Hunk putting the pieces together. "That was you?" He looked at me, looking like it'd been him that I'd insulted-

Oh, god, was it!?!

"Oh, wait, Matt's friend?" Katie now turned around and was staring at me as well.

I still don't know which feeling was worse - the one I had when I found out I'd been making fun of Lance to his face - or the one I had standing there. Four pairs of eyes staring straight at me; accusing, expecting me to explain myself, wondering who the hell it was that had the audacity to barge in on their personal hangout.

I didn't know what to do. I hoped against hope for the ceiling to come crashing down, for a meteor to strike, for the fucking apocalypse - anything to get me out of there.

"Keith, what?" It was Hunk who broke the silence.

"I don't - I didn't mean it, I-" I felt like I could cry.

"Guys," Katie said, rescuing me from my stammering. "Guys, give 'im a break. He's one of Matt's friends, so I'm sure he's just really weird. But I doubt he's a dick." I could see Hunk's shoulders relax a bit.

"Yeah, yeah. You've always been cool to me," he said with a small smile.

"Uuuuuuggghhh, well I say we vote." Lance scowled at Katie and Hunk. "Who wants the emo to stay?"

Hunk and Katie raised their hands.

Lance rolled his eyes. "Well it's my house, my vote's the tie breaker, so-"

"Wait." Lance's girlfriend stopped him. She looked at me, then back at Lance, eyes narrowing and a small devious smile played across her lips. "I want him to stay."

"What? Lura! Why?" She sat back with a 'hmph' and crossed her arms.

"Maybe you should think twice before insulting my video gaming next time," she said defiantly, propping her feet up on the coffee table.

"Allura, babe, no one calls it that." Lance sat back in the couch, turning his whole body to face Allura. "But besides, I don't think this compares-"

"Nope!" She dropped her feet and leaned forward. "Come on Keith," she held the controller in the air, "you get my spot." She waved it around when I didn't move from the bottom of the stairs. "Yoo hoo, let's go! And if you beat him. I'll forgive you for saying I look like a ninety year old."

I groaned inwardly and went to take the controller.

"You don't, I didn't - you look very nice." I tried...

"Yeah, yeah, just watch yourself." She sat back when I grabbed the controller from her. I didn't miss Lance's scowl as I sat in the armchair beside Allura. Hunk grabbed the fourth controller and made himself comfortable in the other armchair.

We played a few rounds and the tension started to ease, at least on my part. Katie, who I was told to call 'Pidge', Hunk, and Allura all made me feel welcome. Lance, on the other hand, pointed out every mistake I made, laughed if I got anything less than second place, and glared at me out of the corner of his eye anytime I spoke.

It was... it was weird. Really weird, actually. Especially how he noticed every shell or banana I hit - was he not watching his own screen at all? 

"Do you guys play anything else?" It was a dumb question... I should've worded it differently because I knew they didn't only play Mariokart and the way I said it - as soon as the words left my mouth I knew, it was a perfect opening for-

"Why, is this too boring for you?" Lance leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, loosely holding his controller between them. "Is this game below your elitist level?"

"I could play Mario Party," Pidge said, turning around to look at everyone.

"Really, Pidge?" Lance looked at her in disbelief. "You think anyone wants to play Mario Party with you after that shit you pulled last time?"

"Oh, let it go, Lance! It's called 'chance time' for a reason." Pidge argued back but she was smirking. "Y'know, cause it's left up to chance."

"Oooh, left up to chance!" Lance distorted his voice to high-pitched mockery of Pidge. "Everyone in this room knows that it is not - it is not left up to chance! You did it on purpose! And that first goddamn box spins so slow Pidge, don't even start with that shit!" Pidge was laughing by the time he was done.

"Yeah but the last one," she paused unable to hold back laughter, "the last one - it's so fast-"

"You picked me and you knew exactly what you were doing you coin-hoarding, star-stealing little-" 

"Lance, it's just a game," Allura said and Pidge stopped laughing. It was an odd silence. Like when someone swears in church... I mean, I've never been to church but I can imagine it'd be pretty awkward.

"Allura..." Lance breathed, head tilted back, eyes closed as if on the brink of losing his patience. Pidge lost control of holding back her laughing fit with one of those weird snort cough noises you do when you're trying not to laugh. Then I lost it, too. Not as badly as Pidge but I had to hide my face in my hands.

"Um, Mortal Kombat, anyone?" Hunk spoke up. "Y'know these - these family-oriented games just get everyone a little too worked up. I think it's time for something lighter, take the competitive spirit down a peg with some good old-fashioned gore and violence."

"Yeah, really," Allura agreed giving Lance a sideways look.

 

And that about sums up my first experience hanging out with Lance. We played a few more games and by the time Hunk announced he was ready to leave, Lance's hostility had died down. By 'died down' I mean he was no longer glaring at me, and sometimes when he spoke in relation to me his tone was almost normal.

It must've been okay on most counts because joining them for their gaming nights became a pretty regular thing for me. I was grateful since it got me out of the house somewhere that wasn't work. 

So I saw Lance about once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less.

Until... Halloween happened.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a huge fan of this chapter, but I had to have them really hate each other in the beginning. It sucks making Lance this not nice, I'm sorry.
> 
> Also the guys saying rude things, I just had a hard time with most of this, so I'm glad it's out of the way haha

Chapter 3

 

Yeah, Halloween 2014. It was a strange day. By strange I mean bad. Just really bad. 

I was sitting in my room scrolling through my playlists looking for something to drown out the screaming match that was going on in a room below me.

Asia had pissed off her parents in one way or another - a pretty common occurrence.

There was a soft knock at my door and a, "Hey, it's me." It was Acxa.

"Yeah, it's open." She opened my door and leaned in. Her appearance shocked me at first, then I remembered what day it was. "Nice costume."

Her face was pale with makeup, her purple hair slicked back, and a gash drawn across the width of her neck, oozing fake blood down her front.

"Thanks," she said dully. "I'm going as my faith in humanity. Um, there are some guys downstairs for you." It took me a while to comprehend what she had said. She leaned against the door frame, crossing her arms loosely. "Do you want me to send them up, orrrrr-"

"No, no, I'm going." I shuffled my pens and sketchbook into a desk drawer and closed my laptop. Acxa was gone when I stepped into the hallway and rushed down the stairs. Who the fuck would come see me? Maybe Matt was home for some reason.

I came to an abrupt stop a few steps from the bottom. So abrupt, that I had to grasp the railing to keep my momentum from throwing me down the remaining few feet.

I hadn't been expecting-

Lance and Hunk were standing just inside the front door, quite awkwardly. Both quickly turned their heads to me but I hadn't missed the concerned frown on Hunk's face or the raised eyebrows, wide eyes, and slightly parted mouth of Lance. They had been looking in the direction of the yells echoing through the entire house.

"Hey guys," I said, attempting indifference but a very loud -

"My doctor told me weed will help my morning sickness!" Followed by an equally loud-

"My fuckin' ass he did!"

I was suddenly very self-conscious.

"Oh, that's uh-" I stammered as Hunk and Lance now appeared slightly frightened. "My cousin's having a baby."

Lance laughed. But not in his usual mocking manner - the most common of his laughs, at least when I was around. No, it wasn't that, it was high-pitched and strained.

An awkward I'm-very-uncomfortable laugh.

My self-consciousness gave way to shame and embarrassment. I couldn't help but take notice of the dirt in the corners of the stairs, the clutter lined hallway, the cobwebs and peeling paint, the nicotine stained walls...

I knew for a fact Lance's house didn't look like mine and I seriously doubted Hunk's did either.

And my embarrassment turned to frustration, which was easier to ignore.

"We were drivin' around picking up some last minute stuff for the party." Hunk's voice was a level or two too happy, probably for the purpose of trying to act normal, or maybe he could tell I felt awkward. "And I thought we'd see if you needed a lift, y'know... while we're out."

"What?" For a moment I thought he was talking to the wrong person.

"Wha- I texted you like five times, dude."

"You did?" I instinctively put my hand over the pants pocket holding my phone - or - not holding my phone. "Shit, I don't - I didn't get them."

"Well, well, that would explain it." Hunk was fidgeting his hands together. Lance was biting his nails, looking sideways towards the fight that was - impressively - still going on in the other room.

"Do you wanna... come up to my room?" My body fought in protest against the words, each one came out slightly strangled and a different tone than the last. I felt my face contort and couldn't stop it.

There was no way to play it off like I'd been sincere. My room was my room. Few people had seen it. It was my one safe place. Maybe if it was just Hunk, but there was no way Lance was going in there.

"Oh, um, it's okay." Hunk smiled, looking unsure of himself. "We'll just, uh, get going." Lance stopped biting his nails and shoved his hands deep into his jacket pockets, shoulders hunched slightly like he was worried he'd touch something.

As they turned to leave, I realized I was still on the stairs and how rude and uninviting I must've seemed. Before the door closed, I rushed forward and stopped it, stepping onto the front porch.

"Sorry, it's - it sucks here," I said, defeated. Lance snorted and a large part of me wanted to hit him.

"Don't worry about it." Hunk shot a disapproving look in Lance's direction. "Are you gonna come by then?"

"What? Yeah." I still had no idea what he was talking about but shit if I had plans.

"Cool, see ya later." Hunk turned down the porch steps. Lance followed, giving me a strange almost bored look. He didn't say anything.

"Bye." I waited on the porch until they were gone. A door slammed somewhere in the house so I decided to take my time before going back in.

I sat down heavily in one of the worn fold-up chairs. They were fraying and faded, sitting beside an empty paint can overflowing with cigarette butts. There were a few ever-present empty beer cans littered about as well.

A cool fall breeze started up and blew across my arms, exposed in just a t-shirt.

If I closed my eyes, and the wind blew just right, I could forget where I was. Cold fall air always had the ability to take me somewhere else. Back to Arizona. My dad used to take me camping as I was growing up. They were some of my favorite memories, the ones I used when this place was just too unbearable.

I wished I could go again. I knew that whenever I had kids, and I didn't think about that often, but I did know that I was gonna take them and a tent and go sleep in the woods every chance I got. And they were gonna love it and I was gonna give them their own safe memories.

But before I could get too dramatic, I remembered I didn't have my phone, and I didn't know where it was.

So I jumped out of the chair and rushed back to my room, thankful I didn't come across Asia or my aunt or uncle on the way.

Once my door was closed behind me I went about digging through my pile of dirty laundry, searching all the pockets - no luck. So I checked my jacket. Nothing.

I checked the cracks around my bed, my desk drawers, even my trashcan.

Then my eyes fell on a black crumpled heap on the floor in the corner. I was so fucking stupid. I walked over and picked up my work pants. They reeked of grease and were still damp from the night before - and sure enough, my phone was in the pocket.

I had five new texts and a missed call, all from Hunk.

10:02 Don't forget I'm picking you up at 8 for Lance's halloween thing tonight

3:12 Hey man I know I said I'd pick you up at 8 but we're gonna be out your way in a bit

4:41 Cool if we swing by and get you now?

4:58 We're here

5:05 Are you even home??? Answer the door

He was persistent. Who takes a 'no response' as a 'yes'? Apparently Hunk.

My phone buzzed with an incoming text.

5:52 Don't forget a costume!

Shit.

So I texted Acxa to come back to my room, not wanting to venture through the house.

"What?" she said from my doorway.

"I need a costume." She looked me up and down, tapping a finger on her bottom lip.

"Hmmm..." Her eyes narrowed. "Why don't you just, I don't know, go as some 80's cliche? I mean, you're halfway there already."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped.

"C'mon, really? The cropped jacket? You have finger-less gloves - and with that mullet you've been rockin' - dude, I thought that's the look you were going for."

"I don't have a mullet!" I defended, grabbing at my hair self-consciously. "I'm trying to grow it out."

"Yeah and when you grow out short hair without getting it trimmed every once in a while you get," she turned up a palm in my direction, "a mullet."

"Wha- no! I'm not going as an 80's douche." My ears were getting hot.

"Boo. Fine then. I can loan you a dress."

"Acxa, come on." I was growing frustrated, leaning towards ditching all together. "Can you just - do that," I waved my hand at her outfit, "on me?"

"Mm, I guess, not very original though." She frowned.

"We're going to different parties, it's fine." She rolled her eyes and walked out. I sat on my bed, giving her the benefit of the doubt that she'd return.

She did. With her makeup and a tupperware full of red, gloopy fake blood. She took out a tube of red lipstick and I flinched away from her.

"Relax," she 'tsk'd, "it's for your throat." I sighed and sat still as she drew a line across my neck and then went about doing something to my face. I closed my eyes as instructed and let her work.

Then there was a clattering noise - a gasp - a gross plopping sound - and finally a "fuuuuuuuuck..."

"What was that?" I didn't want to open my eyes, something cold and wet was seeping through my socks.

"Dude, I'm so sorry," Acxa whispered. I opened my eyes, she had a hand covering her mouth. When I looked down I saw globs of red splattered across the floor at my feet. "I accidentally smacked it off the table." She laughed, ineffectively trying to stifle it.

"What the hell..." I didn't know what to say. 

That day was such a disaster, I probably should've just stayed home. But instead, we cleaned up the blood - leaving a stain like I'd freshly murdered someone beside my bed. 

Then Acxa's ride showed up, so she didn't have time to make me more.

So I showed up at Lance's house an hour late with an unfinished costume. Acxa had assured me it would be fine... liar.

"Dude, what are you supposed to be?" Lance was looking at me disdainfully. "A failed suicide attempt? Real tasteful, man. Good call."

I sighed. I should've stayed home.

"Well what are you supposed to be?" I needed to get better at comebacks.

"I-" Lance's face went serious and he pulled his - spray painted silver water gun - gun up in front of his nose, "-am a super bad-ass, space exploring gunslinger. On a mission toooo-" he looked around, hooked an arm around Allura's waist, and pulled her into him, "rescue the hot alien princess."

"Like I'd ever need rescuing." Allura pushed herself away from him. She had her hair done more elegantly than usual, was wearing pointed elf ear prosthetics, and had drawn some triangular marks under the corners of her eyes. 

Lance winked at her and shot a finger gun with his free hand as she rolled her eyes and walked away.

"Sorry, I didn't get any fancier drinks for you," he looked back to me, "I know how my tastes aren't good enough for you." He pursed his lips and frowned as if in thought. "Actually, I'm not sorry. It kinda makes me happy that you don't like it, Keith." He put his arm across my shoulders and led me towards the kitchen.

"Keith," he said, scratching his head with the tip of the water gun. "I need to come up with a name for you. Keith. Emo. Kemo? No, that sounds like I'm making fun of a kid with cancer." He removed his arm.

"Emo. Mullet. Emullet. No, shit, I suck today. Oh well! I'll think of one." He flashed me the most sarcastic smile and walked away, a cocky bounce in his step that made my skin crawl.

I brushed a hand over my hair, self-conscious again. Maybe it was a mullet...

The party was okay. I got a drink and hung out with Pidge and Hunk, occasionally Lance. It was different than just constant video games, which had almost exclusively been every other interaction I'd had with them. I really liked Pidge and Hunk, even Allura was okay, they made up for the walking annoyance that was Lance.

God, he was, he just pissed me off - he thought he was so funny and clever - that conceited smirk - the way he raised his one eyebrow - how he'd stand in a way that exaggerated the two or three inch height difference between us, don't ask me how, he just did it. I know he did. He probably loved the fact that he was taller than me.

I strongly disliked him - I'd much rather he not be around.

And I know for sure that feeling was mutual...

I was coming back downstairs from the bathroom but stopped when I heard voices. I don't know what made me stop - it was a party there were voices everywhere, but something about these particular voices made me freeze just out of sight.

"Yo, Lance, where's that freaky little new friend of yours?" The tone was unmistakably mocking.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Lance's voice. He sounded annoyed.

"Sure you do!" said another. "He keeps hangin' around you like a sad little puppy."

Heat rose inside me. I was not any type of puppy to Lance. Least not a sad little one. Maybe a pissed off, like, wolf puppy. One that's almost full grown so it's not really a puppy and is still pretty intimidating, but - I'm not a sad fucking puppy!

"He looks all emo, has that mark on his neck." The first voice again. "Dude, is that a costume or did he actually try and hang himself?"

"If I was him I'd prolly off myself."

"You're talking about Keith. He's not my friend." Lance sounded defensive. "Hunk just started bringin' him around. He's fucking annoying and not my friend," he said again.

I was shaking, my heart in my throat. I considered going back to the bathroom and hoping they were gone when I came back.

"Shit, dude. He's that guy!" Voice A said suddenly. "He's - I know who he is! His sisters are those weird slutty chicks from Township."

"Which ones?" Voice B asked, laughing in a way that made me want to hit him. I held my breath, waiting.

Don't say it.

Don't say it.

"You know, they have those weird 'A' names." He fucking said it.

"Oooooh! Oh ho ho, dude, hook me up with one."

"Guys, I don't know his sisters," Lance said, his voice didn't hold the level of laughter the others did. He sounded irritated. "Besides, one's pregnant." My hands were clenched into tight fists, nails digging into my palms.

"Oh yeah, but that's the real dirty one. I'm more interested in the other one." I was visibly shaking. Fuck these fucking fucks! "What's her name? Acxa. Maybe she wants to see if we can get her mouth pregnant."

"Dude, that doesn't even make sense." Lance's voice.

I stood up and took a step down.

"It means I wanna shove my-"

"Shove your fucking dick in your own fucking mouth!" I yelled. ...and yeah, I know it was a dumb thing to say. It was just - listen, I still feel dumb when I remember that I actually said that, okay? I was just so mad. I was shaking with rage and I would've liked to rip that guy's dick off and shove it down his throat, so I'm just going with that's where it came from.

But anyway.

I ran down the stairs and up to the guy that was talking. 

I punched him. Right in the face.

I immediately regretted not thinking things through, cause the next second I saw white and felt my body hit something hard. My face was burning in pain, then I felt something strike my stomach and then my ribs.

Then I heard yelling. When I opened my eyes I found myself on the floor. I looked up and saw Hunk holding back some guy and Pidge had one backed against a wall. She was yelling up at him, on her tip toes jabbing a finger at his chest. He was holding his hands up, looking severely pissed, blood dripping from his nose.

Lance was leaning against the banister, just watching.

I pushed myself up, wincing at the pain in my side. Lance looked over and offered me a hand. I took it and he pulled me up.

"You should probably leave," he said with a blank face. I was confused and pissed. I hadn't done anything wrong but I was the one he wanted to leave. I glanced at Hunk and Pidge who were still preoccupied with the two assholes. "Like now."

I scowled at Lance and left, too in a daze to argue. My eye swelled up by the time I got home. I had two disgusting bruises on my side where I guess I'd been kicked. My hand hurt so bad I couldn't even draw to distract myself, cause the more I thought about it the more pissed I got.

Halloween that year was a shitty fuckin' day.

 

Fuck. That wasn't the point of talking about Halloween. God, I need to stop rambling.

The point of me bringing up Halloween was actually because Hunk totaled his car on the way home that night. Oh, oh, don't worry, he was fine. A couple stitches, nothing serious.

But that made me the only one of Pidge, Hunk, Lance, Allura, and I that had a car. So I began seeing a lot more of them.

And sadly, that included Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up soon! Also not as long, like I said I wanna keep the chapters pretty short so this one was unusual.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. I'm impatient getting towards the stuff I'm excited about. I like this more than the last chapter though

Chapter 4

 

It took Lance a little over two weeks before he gave in and asked me for a ride.

I was at work, sitting outside on break. The 45 degree air felt good after being in the hot ass kitchen for hours. I tried to stay out until I got cold so that I would welcome the scalding spray of steam the first few times I opened the dishwasher.

As I was sitting there, watching cars back up at the stoplight down past the parking lot, rush hour just heating up, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

It was a text from a number I didn't recognize.

'This is Lance. Got your number from Hunk. Could you give me a ride to class tomorrow?'

I stared at it for a while, wondering how desperate he must have been to be asking me for a favor. My phone lit up with a second text.

'I'll give you gas money.'

I decided to do it... if I was available... like, super available. I wasn't gonna go too far out of my way. But who knows, maybe doing this would make Lance hate me less.

I wouldn't give two fucks about Lance's opinion of me if it weren't for his friends.

I really liked Hunk and Pidge but I was worried my friendship with them would eventually suffer if Lance perpetually hated me.

So I texted him back.

'What time?'

'I have to be there by 10:30'

I sighed and thought it through one last time before responding. I didn't work till 3 the next evening so-

'Yeah I can do that.'

'Cool. Pick me up at my house.'

'Right.'

It was an odd feeling, saving Lance's number in my phone. My thumb hovered above the 'save' button a few moments too long. I had a feeling like maybe I was doing something wrong, like saving the number was setting some dark prophecy in motion.

In a way it did, I guess. It may very well have been the first step to dooming myself to fall in love with this fucking asshole. I guess I felt it in my bones even back then.

 

The next morning I sat outside Lance's house, drumming on my steering wheel not sure if I should knock or text or just wait. After a few minutes I texted 'I'm here' and hit send. The second I looked up, Lance was shutting the front door and I felt stupid for sending the text he was now going to get when he got in the car.

"You know where you're going?" Lance asked as he shut the passenger door.

"Yeah, the campus out past the mall, right?" I watched as he struggled to adjust his seat. "It's a bar in front." He found it and the seat shot back a few inches but he still looked cramped.

I pulled away and headed towards the campus. It was only a few minutes before-

"What is this?" Lance gestured to the stereo with a look of disgust. "How old are you?"

"It's Cheap Trick," I responded, clenching my jaw.

"Who?"

"Are you joking?" I glanced at him, my skin itching with aggravation. This was a bad idea.

"No."

"You know who they are," I said sternly.

"Uh, no I don't. Can you put the radio on or something?" He reached towards the center console and I smacked his hand - yeah, yeah, I know...

"No! It-it doesn't work." He was looking at me with one eyebrow raised, his mouth slightly open.

"Jesus shit, dude... calm down." He was holding the hand I'd smacked with his other. I groaned, very much regretting this favor.

The rest of the drive neither of us said a word. When I pulled to a stop in the parking lot, Lance got out and shut the door. But then he opened it again. I saw him digging around in his pocket, then he threw three bucks onto the seat and slammed the door.

I clenched my jaw so tightly I gave myself a headache.

I watched him walk away, trying to comprehend how I could dislike one person so much. And yet - in a sense - be stuck with them.

That's pretty much how every ride with Lance went. He didn't ask too often.

One day I showed up and he tried to switch out my CD for one of his.

"No!" I protested. "What is it?"

"It's better than this shit."

"It's my car. I don't wanna listen to your radio top ten bullshit."

"Well, it's in already soooo."

"Ugh, no." The music started. Something of a panic shot through me. "No! Seriously, Lance, no." It was possibly my least favorite band - well, no, top ten least favorite. Not number 1. Or 2. Or 3. But I fucking hate them!

"Dude, come on! It's Imagine Dragons, you have to like it."

"I-I-I do not. I do not at all have to like it." I reached into the back seat and grabbed my CD binder. I tossed it onto Lance's lap and muted the puke he had on.

"Pick something," I said and focused on driving, trying to ignore the 'tsk's and huffs and general sounds of disapproval from Lance as he paged through my music.

"I don't even know what ninety percent of this is."

"Then just pick one you think looks pretty. We can be surprised," I grumbled, contemplating if running the next red light would be worth it just to have a few less seconds in the car with Lance.

"Or," I just remembered, "I think Acxa has her Awolnation CD in there. You probly like them, right?" I was so hopeful.

"I guess. They had that one song but it was kinda played out." I literally wanted to strangle him.

"Are you joking? Every single thing I've ever heard you listen to is played out!" He just rolled his eyes and put the CD in anyway.

 

He brought a different CD the next time.

And the next time.

No amount of arguing deterred him.

Then one day he fucking - oh my god I still get pissed thinking about it - he brought a fucking My Chemical Romance CD! And acted all offended like -

'Oh my god I thought you would like this' and 'I brought it for you' and 'but I thought you liked emo stuff' and 'look they have hair like you, well except for the mullet but the bangs for sure'

And oh my god I almost drove him off a cliff.

A couple weeks in December he must've been extra desperate cause he asked me for a ride almost every day. Then winter break came and by the third day, I actually almost - almost missed having to get him in the morning. 

Almost.

I chalked it up to it becoming a habit, feeling out of routine.

I definitely didn't miss his smug-ass face. Or the way he instantly put me on the defensive. Or how he made my car stink like some shitty body spray that reminded me of the beach.

And not once did he say 'thank you'.

He was all around unpleasant. Even at our gaming nights. He was unpleasant - not as painstakingly as when we were trapped in my car together - but I still couldn't say I enjoyed our time together.

Cause I remember the first time that happened.

It was so unusual that it must've stuck with me.

The first interaction with Lance that didn't make me want to cause him bodily harm.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess I just can't be consistent with chapter length, so they're just gonna vary.

Chapter 5

 

It was December 31, 2014. New Year's Eve.

There was a party - if you couldn't guess - but this time it wasn't at Lance's. I really didn't want to go, big surprise. After what happened on Halloween, I was understandably a little apprehensive.

But I had talked myself into it. I kinda wanted to drink and the restaurant was closed for New Year's Eve and Day, so I had two days off of work.

So I picked up Hunk and drove to some house in the middle of some suburbs I'd never been in before. It was the third unfamiliar neighborhood I'd been in that night. Hunk said he knew where the party was and he stood by that until we were lost for an hour and he finally texted Pidge for the correct address.

We walked into the party, later than expected, and it was way more house party than Lance's. Way more people, way louder music, a keg in the basement, the whole place smelled like weed and cigarettes.

Whoever's house it was, it was a good way towards completely trashed by the time we arrived.

We made our way through the crowd, Hunk stopping to talk a few times. I, of course, knew no one. We didn't make it far before-

"Huuuuunk!"

"Hey buddy." Hunk grinned widely as Lance put a hand on his shoulder. "Where are the drinks?"

"Basement." Lance nodded over his shoulder then looked at me. "Oh. Hey, Keith."

"Hi, Lance." I rolled my eyes.

"Pidge and Allura are setting up the beer pong tournament. We can start now that you're here, it's teams." He was pointedly talking to Hunk, to me he added, "you can watch."

And I did. For so long that it grew very boring.

Hunk and Pidge won their first round against some guy and girl named Rolo and Nyma. I only remember because I remember standing there wondering if those were their real names or not. I never found out.

Allura and Lance won their round, too, in spite of their constant bickering. Lance would give a full commentary of each of his shots that seemed to distract him to the point of missing. 

Then Allura'd try her turn and Lance would stand behind her, 'babe, you got this', 'come on we need this', 'don't overthink it'. She'd get so pissed.

Somehow. Somehow, they won. I think the other team was wasted cause, honestly, Lance and Allura sucked.

A few more rounds were played and I just stood there, occasionally refilling my drink, growing more and more bored. But y'know, at least I wasn't fighting anyone, I guess.

Finally, it came down to the last round. Pidge and Hunk versus Lance and Allura. I was impressed that so many drunk people had stayed focused long enough to make it to the end. I was in a daze on my third or fourth drink.

"You are so going down!" Pidge taunted as she and Hunk set up the cups.

"Pssh. I'm gonna beat you so bad you'll be sober." Apparently Lance's drunk comebacks were as bad as my sober ones.

"Oh no, oh god." I looked at Hunk who had been pouring beer into the cups. He was pale and looking away from what he was doing.

"No, Hunk, we only have one more round," Pidge cried with her hands on the side of her head. "You can make it!"

"Mmmm... hm-mm, hm-mm. Nope, no, no." Hunk set the cup down and turned away from the table. "Not gonna make it. Bathroom - bathroom." I heard him chanting as he rushed past me and disappeared into the downstairs bathroom.

"Ha!" Lance cheered triumphantly. "You forfeit, we win!"

"No!" Pidge protested. "That's not fair, I'll play for both of us."

It seemed the collective focus was breaking. The other few teams who had stayed to watch were starting to disperse to the rest of the party as Lance and Pidge argued. I was considering going to check on Hunk, more of an excuse to walk around than anything when-

"Keith!" Pidge yelled and pointed at me. I raised my eyebrows. "Keith can fill in for Hunk!"

"No! The rules state-"

"What rules, Lance?" Allura cut him off. "The rules you made up?"

"Well-"

"Let's just get this over with, I'm getting bored." She crossed her arms and Lance gasped as if he was offended.

"Ooh, let's do girls against guys. Allura, be on my team." I think Pidge may have been trying to prevent a full-on fight from breaking out, judging by how Allura was eyeing Lance.

"Wha-! No! Me and Keith?" Lance's voice rose a few octaves at my name. Pidge and Allura both frowned at him but I could tell they were deeply amused. I, however, was not.

"Sounds good to me," Allura said with a huff and walked over to the other side of the table. She stood beside Pidge, arms crossed, smirking at Lance. "This round may actually be fun for once."

Lance let out a noise of frustration, "fine." He admitted defeat. "C'mon emo - mullet - having... Keith. C'mon." I couldn't help but grin as I walked to the table. As much as I didn't like the idea of working together with Lance, it was satisfying to see him in such a state.

"Okay, how do I play?" I asked, setting my beer down. Lance shot me a look.

"What! Have you not been watch-" his eyes narrowed, "you're joking? Is that a joke?'

I shrugged a shoulder.

"Oh, come on!"

"Dude, I think I got it," I laughed. "Calm down."

"Okay, I go first though." He pulled his jacket straighter and turned to the table.

"Actually, I go first but." Pidge picked up a ball and tossed it towards the cups in front of Lance and me. It went in. "Ha! drink!" She pointed at Lance with both hands.

Lance picked up the cup, tilted its contents down his throat, and slammed it back down, stifling a burp.

Pidge missed her next shot. So did Allura.

Then, it was our turn.

Lance stared at the cups across the table like he was playing a game of chess, turning the ball around in his hand. I felt an awkward laugh threaten at the back of my throat and bit my cheek to stop it.

When Lance finally threw the ball, he missed. By a good six inches at least.

"Godffffffuck!" He spun around and swore. "Keith." He looked at me, his face contorting as he seemed to struggle finding words. "Your turn."

"Don't worry, Keith," Pidge teased. "It won't take much to be the one carrying your team."

"Hey!" Lance snapped, his voice high.

"C'mon, Lance, you don't stand a chance and you know it. You suck even worse when you're drunk. And you are... very."

"Wha- well - y'know - I maybe wouldn't be if it weren't for a-a certain, you know, girl that wouldn't drink her share all of earlier games." Lance was leaning on the table as he spoke.

"Me?" Allura put a hand to her chest. "I told you I didn't want to drink much, it's not my fault you said we'd play this dumb game. Maybe he should've been your partner from the start." She nodded in my direction.

"Maybe. Lura. Maybe." His hand slipped off the edge of the table but he caught himself.

"Oh man, Lance," Pidge laughed. "You good?"

"'Mm fine." Lance put his hands on his hips and looked around. "Whose turn is it?"

"Oh," I held up the ping-pong ball, "mine." I turned to the table and, with Lance yelling unintelligible words, I threw the ball.

"Pay attention!" he snapped. " You can't just toss it all w-"

"You pay attention, it went in!" I said back, holding my arms out.

"You - wait, what?" He looked over as Pidge was fishing the ball out of a cup.

"Alright, nice one, go again." She said once she'd downed the drink.

I shot again and it went in.

"Dude!" Pidge cried. "Alright, I'm about to not be so nice, Keith. I see how it is." She tossed the ball back to me and drank the second cup.

Lance was shifting his weight back and forth beside me.

I threw the ball again and it went in.

"Alright, Allura, help me out."

"Gladly, Pidge." Allura picked up the cup and drank it, staring at Lance as she did.

"Why do you hate me?" He asked and turned to me. "Okay, Keith, if it wasn't clear before, we must beat them. I-" he put his hand on my shoulder and shook me dramatically, "I believe in you."

"Yeah, um. Thanks." I threw the ball and it landed in a cup to a chorus of shouts.

"Okay!" Pidge drank the beer and slammed it down. "Now I'm getting serious."

"Don't mess this up for us, Keith." Lance stood behind me, grasping my shoulders.

Now, I'm not entirely sure what happened next. 

I threw the ball and as it was going into a cup, Pidge smacked it back out. But she didn't hit it far enough and it started to fall back towards a different cup and Allura - I don't know - panicked or something and just lunged for the ball, smacking at it. I wouldn't have taken her for being uncoordinated but what she did was not graceful in the slightest.

She hit the ball and also smacked a cup or two. As that was spilling, Pidge reflexed to try and stop it, but in doing so, knocked down the remaining standing cups. Their half of the table was just a mess of clattering red cups and splashing beer for a good few seconds.

"Oops." Pidge flicked spilled beer from her hands. 

I burst out laughing, Allura looked completely disgusted as she wiped a drop of beer from her face and looked down at the wet marks on her pants. More liquid found its way over the side of the table and splashed to the floor causing Pidge to step back.

"Well we win!" Lance announced. For how competitive he is, I'm shocked by his willingness to accept cheap wins.

"Good call with the partner switch, Pidge." Lance smiled crookedly and put his arm across my shoulders, stumbling into me slightly.

"Ugh, I'm going to wash my hands," Allura said, stepping carefully away from the table.

"Me too, and I'm gonna check on Hunk." Pidge followed Allura towards the bathroom.

Lance still had his arm across my shoulders. I tried to duck away but he pulled me tighter.

"Y'know," he started. "You're not as bad as I thought."

"Uh, thanks." He picked up my beer from earlier and handed it to me, spilling some in the process, then grabbed his own.

"Even though you like shitty music. And haffa stupid haircut." I frowned and tried to duck away again, this time it was successful.

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Hm-mm." Lance shook his head. "'M just sayin'. Maybe we make a good team." Allura reappeared at his side and hooked an arm around his waist. "Oh, hey, babe."

"Oh god, you really are drunk. How about you sit down?" She led him to an empty couch in the corner of the room and pushed him down. "I'm gonna go find Romelle cause this party kinda sucks and I wanna have fun before midnight. Don't pass out."

"I'm fine, babe, really." She looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "But if you're not here by midnight, I'ma hafta kiss Keith." He burped. "And no one wants that."

She rolled her eyes and walked away.

"Kay, love you!" Lance called after her. After everything I'd seen of their relationship, I didn't understand it one bit. Allura always seemed annoyed and Lance would just encourage it or flat out not notice.

I remember thinking about how it made sense that I didn't understand it, cause I didn't understand how anyone would willingly put an effort into a relationship with Lance... ha, yeah... still don't.

But anyway... I sat down on the couch and Pidge soon came out of the bathroom followed by Hunk, the color almost fully restored to his face.

"Keith are you okay to drive or do you think we're staying here tonight?" Hunk asked, sitting in a chair. His question reminded me that I had promised Lance and Pidge rides home as well.

"Um, I probably shouldn't drive." I looked into my cup and back at Hunk. "I could probably be okay in a few hours if you want."

"No, no it's okay. I think I'm gonna go find somewhere to pass out though."

"Dude, it's not even midnight!" Pidge looked at him and then at Lance whose eyelids were starting to droop. "Man, you guys suck. Keith, come drink with me then, since we're staying. We can grab these losers some water while we're at it."

"Okay." I stood up and followed Pidge.

We got more drinks and found Allura with her friend Romelle. We drank and joked around and made fun of Lance and I felt good. I felt like I actually belonged, like I was welcome. It's dumb cause I knew I was before, but that night was the first time I felt like I was sure I had friends in Pidge and Hunk and maybe even Allura and, as difficult as it was for me to admit, in Lance.

I just felt different, I knew Lance and I weren't' going to be instant best friends after one night of not arguing but I had hope. Real hope. And once I felt it, I wasn't sure why I cared so much, why I even really had that hope.

As the clock got closer to midnight, we returned to the basement. Lance was asleep sitting up, his head resting on his hand. Hunk had taken a couch pillow and his jacket and curled up on the floor in the corner.

Allura jumped onto Lance's lap and kissed his cheek.

"Wake up, it's almost midnight," she spoke in his ear. He opened his eyes and closed them again. "Come oooon, Lance." She shook him playfully but he just groaned. "Keith and I want those kisses you promised." She laughed.

The house grew quiet as people started counting down, then louder as everyone joined.

"Whatever, you're no fun." Allura stumbled as she climbed off of Lance and back to Romelle. They put their arms around each other's shoulders. Then she waved to me and Pidge. "Come on, guys."

I walked over and Allura put her other arm around my shoulder and Pidge did the same on my other side. She was barely tall enough to reach.

"5

 

"4

 

"3

 

"2

 

"1

 

"Happy New Year."

The start of, quite possibly, the most annoying year of my life.

Meaning the year in which I was most annoyed... like a majority of my time was spent being annoyed. Nothing 'annoying' happened to me, like it wasn't a bad year.

Well one annoying thing happened, or I should say - existed.

Lance... the most annoying person I have ever met in my entire life.

And he started the year off being just that - fucking annoying.

 

"No way that happened!" Lance crossed his arms and looked out his window. Pidge had just brought up how him and I had been getting along the night before.

"Oh my god, seriously?" I was scowling at him. "What is wrong with you? Is it that hard to admit you didn't hate me for a few hours?"

"Well, I'd admit it if it actually happened, now the nice lady is waiting for our order." He waved his hand towards my car window. We were stopped at a drive-thru for coffee on our way home.

I groaned and rolled down my window. "Can I get a small vanilla latte, a large dark roast, and another large dark roast but with almond milk in it and-" I turned back to Lance "-what the hell did you want?" He rolled his eyes and leaned over across my seat to yell out the window.

"And a large caramel macchiato with cinnamon." He sat back in his seat and added to me, "it's not that hard." He sent an itching frustration through me that was so distracting I didn't even pull up to the next window until the person behind me was beeping their horn at me.

"But seriously man," Lance started once we'd all gotten our drinks. "I don't remember it, so... whatever type of bonding you all think happened - well, it didn't."

I'm one hundred percent certain that the migraine I got that day had absolutely everything to do with Lance and nothing to do with the hangover.

 

So, yeah, that was the first time Lance was kinda nice to me. But he took it back, so it doesn't really count, I guess.

The first time he officially said something nice to me wasn't until about a month later.

I guess we'll go there next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this chapter, hope you do too.
> 
> If anyone's interested, the song Lance listens to on repeat is Ribs by Lorde. It's super sad in a bad nostalgic way.

Chapter 6

'Hey man. I know it's late but can I get a ride?'

It was almost 11 at night. I had worked an early shift so I'd been home for a few hours, more tired than I'd like to admit, hair still damp from my shower.

I had been curled up in bed, contentedly inking the mech-lion I'd been working on, listening to Truckfighters when my phone buzzed.

I stared at the text from Lance, trying to decide what to say. Going outside sounded like the last thing I wanted to do. It was maybe five degrees, beginning of February, dark and windy. Still, something inside me was pulling at me to go pick up my number one ride moocher.

'Where are you?'

'Near Allura's'

Of course. He probably wanted me to take him back to her place or his place.

'I don't think so, is there anyone else?'

He was typing. Then stopped.

Typing.

Typing.

Stop... Typing.

'We broke up.'

Oh.

My heart moved to my throat. I felt ridiculous, feeling happy that he'd reached out to me. Because of course he wasn't really... he just needed a ride.

'Text the address. I guess I'll get you'

'I'm walking. I'll stop at the elementary school, meet me there.'

Jesus Christ. He was walking?

'On my way.'

I jumped out of bed, trying to not think about the gust of wind that rattled my window. I threw on a sweatshirt and stepped into my boots.

The air outside cut through my sweatpants as if I weren't even wearing any. I rushed to my car, but it didn't offer much relief. My seat felt like ice beneath me and the heat was just blasting cold air at my face.

"Fuck." I shivered, my teeth hitting each other audibly. I breathed into my numb hands, my breath seeped from between my fingers like smoke. What the fuck was I doing? And why did I wear fingerless gloves? 

So, I just went for it. The car would heat up faster if I was driving, right?

By the time I was out of my neighborhood, I was starting to defrost. With the feeling returned to my fingers, I flipped through my CD book and put in the first Clutch album I came across.

As I drove to the school about twenty minutes away, I realized I felt anxious. I wrote it off as a mix between being ripped from my warm, comfortable bed and being concerned about the fact Lance was walking outside in such shit weather.

I pulled to a stop in front of the large building where a figure was hunched forward on one of the benches beside the doors.

It was Lance, he stood up and walked to my car with no sense of urgency whatsoever.

"Hey," he said flatly as he sat in the passenger seat. He smelled like cold. His face was that mix of flush and paleness that comes with below zero windchills.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked tentatively. He shrugged.

"'m fine." He reached down to his feet and picked up my CD folder. As he paged through it, I noticed how red his eyes were. It sent a pang through my chest. I felt more sorry for him than I should have - y'know with hating him and all.

He pulled out his Lorde CD, which had somehow found its way into _my_ CD folder and never left. He switched it out with what I had in.

"Can you just drive around?" He said as he skipped through the first few songs.

"Sure." I pulled away from the school and Lance flopped back in the seat, knees pressed up against the dash and center console. My small car was not accommodating to his long legs.

I glanced at his face and saw he was crying, the street lights reflecting on his watering eyes and the trail they left down his cheeks.

I instantly looked away, trying to pretend I didn't notice. But the awkward clearing of my throat that happened probably gave it away.

I felt like I was intruding.

So I focused on driving... and the song Lance had put on. When it ended he played it again.

And again.

I don't know why - it was horribly depressing, more so the longer I listened to it. A song about being scared of growing up and friends and shit.

I guess maybe Lance just wanted to be sad. So I didn't say anything. I just drove.

And drove.

While he cried beside me. Completely silent except for the occasional telling sniff.

I felt like I should do something - but I didn't. I didn't know what to do. I really, barely knew Lance. He disliked me, it was probably bad enough for him that I was witness to this breakdown. 

He didn't need me commenting on it.

So still... I just drove.

And drove. In silence.

My eyes grew heavy and my gas gauge sank lower.

I stopped at a gas station, bracing against the cold to put ten dollars of gas in the tank. Lance stayed in the car as I went inside to pay.

The bright fluorescent lights felt surreal as I walked down the drink aisle. After being in my dark car for hours the store almost felt like a dream. It was nearing one in the morning.

I grabbed a can of monster for myself and paused. I wanted to get something for Lance, but I had no idea what.

I settled for a red bull since I'd seen him drink them often.

But he may not want that, so I also got a coke. My dad used to give me them when I didn't feel well.

And I also got orange juice... and water...

Just to be safe.

I'd drink it sometime if he didn't want it.

I felt awkward returning to the car with a bag but not much I could do about it at that point.

"I got you a drink if you want it." I said, dropping the bag on the back seat, but Lance just stared out his window. He was no longer crying, but looked completely miserable. His eyes and nose red and puffy, his cheeks streaked with dried tears. There was no ghost of the usual playfulness that always managed to show through any other emotion.

I turned away from him with a sigh and drove off, feeling empty.

We were only a few miles from the gas station when Lance turned around and grabbed the orange juice out of the bag. He drank half the bottle at once and it made me feel warmer.

After a few more minutes, I realized the caffeine wasn't doing its job of waking me up.

"So, what do you wanna do?" I asked. He shrugged. "I can take you home, I can take you anywhere. But if you don't tell me, you're just gonna come home with me cause I'm exhausted."

"I'll go home." His voice was quiet and hoarse.

So I drove.

To Lance's house. Where he got out, without a word and shut the door behind him.

And I drove home. Where I ran inside, desperate not to wake anyone, and collapsed on my bed.

I lay awake for a while, full of uncomfortable emotions. Like they'd leached onto me from Lance.

Eventually I drifted.

And just when I got to that blissful state right before sleep, my phone buzzed, bringing me back.

It was a text from Lance.

'Thanks.'

A small smile formed on my face.

'Anytime.'

 

Yep, that was the first 'thanks' I'd ever gotten from Lance. The first genuine thing he'd ever said to me. The first time Lance trusted me with any type of real emotion. 

The first time I looked at one his texts and caught myself smiling without meaning to. 

And as weird as it sounds, I think that night might be one of my favorite memories of us. Cause after that I think my opinion of him started to change. He was more of a real person then, not just a piece of baggage that came along with my new friends.

And when Lance and Allura broke up that time - yes they break up more times - Lance's attitude towards me seemed to change too. I don't know why, but he stopped being solely an asshole. He seemed less like he just wanted me mad, and more like he was trying to see if someone could become so annoyed that they spontaneously combust.

But I guess... that wasn't such a bad thing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter! Sorry it's been so long since the last update. It shouldn't be as long for the next one.  
> I love this chapter even though it's short and kinda choppy.

Chapter 7

 

I think it was about a week since Lance and Allura broke up that I got my first text from Lance. First conversational text, like, besides asking for rides and shit.

I was getting ready for work when my phone lit up with an incoming text.

'I want you to want me'

At first I thought he'd accidentally texted the wrong person.

'What???'

'Cheap Trick'

'Oh'

'You were right I know who they are'

'Yeah I told you'

And that was that. Not much. But it opened the floodgates. I was officially someone Lance texted.

And he sent the worst texts.

The worst texts.

Like shit that just didn't make sense and random song lyrics.

 

'He's got a rolled cigarette hangin out his mouth he's a cowboy kid'

At 2 am one night when I'd just started falling asleep. That one came with a-

'That song reminds me of you'

They didn't usually come with any explanation or context.

I groaned, ignored it, and rolled over to go back to sleep. I tried... but for some reason 2 am me just really wanted to know what that meant. After half an hour of itching curiosity ignoring it was no longer an option.

So my eyes snapped open and, squinting against the harsh light of my phone screen, I searched the lyrics. What would remind Lance of me? What would remind Lance of me enough to text me about it???

And...

What the fuck... the song came up quickly and as I read through the lyrics - just what the fuck!?! The song sounded like it was about some kid shooting up his school and then offing his dad.

That made Lance think of me!?!

What the fuck!

I threw my phone to the side and rolled over with a huff. My curiosity was gone but in its place a burning agitation. He wanted me to fall for it and I did. Fucking Lance... I played into his game. I was convinced his goal was to fuck with my sleep and just annoy the shit out of me.

It worked.

Way too well.

It worked every damn time.

 

One day after a particularly terrible shift at work - I broke five plates, burnt myself on a frying pan, and splashed dirty mop water in my eye - I checked my phone on the way to my car.

'I fear for the day I'm older than the dude in what's my age again'

What am I supposed to say to that? Is it funny? What does he even mean? Is he talking about that Blink-182 song from when we were in middle school? Or is it some other thing that's just going over my head?

It took all my willpower to not put my face through my windshield.

 

'Ya know I still can't even look at ravioli without saying give me the formuoli'

I was eating cereal when I got that one.

At 9:30 in the morning.

Why was he thinking about ravioli at 9:30 in the morning? More importantly, why the fuck was he texting me about ravioli at fucking 9:30 in the morning?

That one got under my skin so much - probably cause I was still waiting for my coffee to finish brewing - I had to respond.

'What?'

'Meatball meatball spaghetti underneath. Ravioli Ravioli great barrier reef'

'Why are you like this?'

'Please don't tell me you suck so bad you never even watched spongebob'

'No'

'No what?'

The coffee pot beeped and I happily took my attention from my phone to my caffeine. I wasn't going to give him an answer. The satisfaction of knowing that I had annoyed him in return almost made up for the stupid text in the first place. I had watched Spongebob. I knew the very episode of which he was referencing.

But Lance was never going to know that. And that made me so fucking happy. Picturing him staring at his phone for a response he was never going to get. Maybe I should annoy him more often.

 

The emotional ones were the weirdest, though.

'I would give it all and all. Maybe you would give me less for half a chance'

They were almost always late at night.

'And everyone's competing for a love they won't receive'

I never responded.

'Never saw my dark side in your eyes'

They made me uncomfortable. I don't know why. They seemed too personal sometimes.

But then - like with so many other things Lance did - I grew to expect them, maybe even look forward to them. After a few months I found myself checking my phone throughout the day and my stomach would drop a little if there were no new messages.

It was just habit - I told myself - I couldn't possibly be getting any joy out of that shit.

It was annoying. Nothing more...

 

Texts weren't the only things that changed in our relationship after he and Allura split. He started acting differently too. It was nice, in the way that I started to no longer fear Pidge and Hunk would have to choose between us at some point. 

But it was also weird.

And of course annoying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you're enjoying it so far.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, thanks for reading!  
> And of course feedback of any kind is great.


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